Right to complain

A little child is being rewarded by her mother for good behavior. “Mom I want ice- cream!” She shouted excitedly. The momentarily indulgent mother immediately takes the course to the best ice-cream corner… not knowing what she’s getting into. On the way, the little girl is busy describing her favorite ice-cream, “Mom, you know what I like most, the vanilla base with a cashews layer in the middle and then the pineapple ice- cream.” While describing her wish her mouth is watering at the very thought of the world’s best vanilla ice-cream topped with a piece of pineapple! But lo, the best ice-cream corner in town is out of the vanilla flavor. They have only chocolate. Now this little girl is torn apart, she wants ice- cream from this corner only. The thought of walking another ten minutes to reach the not so nice corner did not excite her at all. And here there is only chocolate flavor available. Well she takes it. At her first lick, she gets a pleasant sensation in her taste buds. She likes chocolates anyways… BUT how can she start to enjoy a chocolate ice-cream, when she’d spent half an hour imagining, expecting & picturing a vanilla! Now, starts the complaining, “Why didn’t he have vanilla? I don’t like chocolate, I don’t know why you had to get me here? What a waste?” The mother is completely exasperated. “You’re spoiling your fun, at least enjoy what you have,” she tries to persuade but to no avail. Because while the little girl is enjoying the chocolate ice-cream, she’s also enjoying complaining!

Ever wondered what life will be like without the right to complain? The biggest luxury of life is the right to complain. If this right is taken away from us, for some life may become very boring and for some it may finally dawn that they need to own their own choices!

Recently in a workshop, a participant declared, “But in life we do not always have choices.” My immediate answer was, “Okay, give me an example.” To no one’s surprise, he couldn’t come up with any. Not that he didn’t have a long list of frustrating incidents, but as he thought about them with this new perspective of choices, he didn’t think it worth mentioning those events. He already knew the answer. Sounds so familiar, there are situations where we think we do not have choices. Is it that we do not have choice in any given situation or is it that we do not want to give up the right to complain while enjoying the benefits of the choice exercised? I have a close friend who is stuck in a job he doesn’t enjoy at all- you see the chocolate ice-cream phenomenon. On one of his more than normal grumpy days, I asked him, “So why are you sticking?” With slight irritation, he answered, “I’m not sticking, I’m stuck!” I suggested he just reverse his own statement and repeat it a few times for himself. Like, “I’m not stuck, I am sticking.” I think he tried it, I don’t hear him complaining anymore and he also got a promotion last month.

Take any area of your life that you are dissatisfied with and yet you continue to remain in that situation. You will notice that it is not that you do not have another option available; you will notice that out of available options what you have chosen is the better one, though this was not what you originally wished. It is in this situation that we say that we do not have any option. Essentially we are saying that we do not like the available options and would like to retain the right to complain and grumble.
Your ability to change your reality expands manifolds when you take responsibility of your own situation; when you give up all complaints and accept your choice. It is only after true acceptance of your choice that you get the energy to create new options- to make the best of the current situation being the first. This process of taking ownership and responsibility makes a deeper level change in you. You realize that you and only you are responsible for your situation and only you can bring about any change. While owning your choices can be a big burden, it actually liberates you.

rajesh@peoplefactorindia.com
The writer is a management consultant and a leadership coach.