What Company Do You Keep?

Often in my workshops people say, “Tell us some simple ways of bringing about positive changes in our life.” I think our parents and elders knew exactly what to do. If you recall, in your growing up days, they were always concerned about the company you kept. They were curious to know almost everything about your friends; their family background, their habits, their likes and dislikes, where you spent time with them and what you did during free hours. And like most youngsters you would have resented it as too much intrusion or almost categorized it as spying. Ever wondered why they were doing this? There is a traditional wisdom which says that ‘likes attract each other’ or ‘birds of a feather flock together’. Our parents wanted a peek in our lives through our friends.

Closely look at your own friends circle. Being with this group makes you feel good about what you are and what you do. This ‘good feel’ emanates from the fact that you are similar in-terms of habits, way of thinking, your reactions to your environment, your achievements, your choice of music, your health habits etc. People are naturally attracted towards the people who are like themselves. This phenomenon is rooted in an inherent psychological need of security & survival. When we are with people who are like ‘us’, we feel secure and find comfort in our way of life. We have all the data to justify that OUR way of living is the RIGHT way of living. You will notice people who get sad easily find the company of those who support this behavior or are themselves sad. Cynical people are in the company of other cynics. The happy go lucky manage to find people of their own type and spend time together.
A few days back an interesting research was cited in the newspaper: People with obese friends or siblings are at a greater risk of becoming overweight. This connection is not as blatant as friends and siblings adopting each other’s lifestyles, it is more subtle. What appears to be happening is that a person becoming obese most likely causes a change of norms about what counts as an appropriate size. People come to think that it is okay to be bigger since those around them are bigger, and this sensibility spreads.
Our environment has a very profound impact on us!

Going back to the main question: ‘how do I change my life?’ If you want to change your life, just change your company, change your environment.

Have you come across a relative or a friend who was completely at ease with himself and his environment in India, but after having one long stint in the U.S., he repeatedly complains about how we ‘Indians’ do not follow traffic rules! You might get irritated with him. You might even say that all these guys start abusing India the moment they step out of the country. But he is not trying to annoy you. Actually, he is only voicing a new way of thinking that he has learnt in his new environment. He is now sensitized to the need and the benefits of the new behavior and probably wants you to benefit from his experience.

Think of what kind of life you want. Find out in your environment or beyond, people who have the kind of life you desire. Once you’ve identified people who are closer to the kind of life you want, you need to get in their company. You need to become part of their environment. The moment you’re part of this new environment, people will notice a change in your way of thinking. This difference is the secret of creating a new life. Slowly without realizing you start changing your way of dressing, your reactions, your hangouts, your dreams, your efforts, everything.

A few words of caution, when you are choosing new company, be careful! Ask yourself, “Am I choosing the people who have changed their lives or am I choosing the people who were born in my dream life?” You will find similarity with those who have changed their lives and not with those who were born in the life of your dreams.
Cheers!!